Comical Classroom Occurrences: 2014-2015

Much has changed since my last blog post. I moved away from Chicago and my friends at Creative Scholars, to Washington DC, where I now teach at another great little school: Takoma Children’s School. I’ll probably write about a few more things that I did with my students last year. And there will be plenty to write about the new school year, of course. But for now, I want to share my record of humorous happenings from the classroom last year. Enjoy!

September 2
Student 1: “Do you know who Michael Jordan is?”
Student 2: “No.”
Student 1: “He’s in Space Jam… It’s a movie.”

September 10
Me: “You’ve been alive for 4 years. That’s why we say that you’re 4.”
Student: “That’s weird.”

September 11
Student: “Nineteen is one of the biggest numbers in the WHOLE WORLD!”

September 11
Student: “I like bacon. It’s so healthy.”

September 12
Today, one of my quieter students picked up a toy drill and politely asked, “Who wants a hole in their face?”

September 18
Student: “It’s called sloppy Joes because it comes from Trader Joe’s.”

September 23
Me: “When’s your birthday.”
Student: “I don’t know, but it’s when the ‘Gators play.”

September 25
Student: “Sour gum!? That’s grown up stuff. Kids canNOT try it!”

September 26
Today a student asked me to rip a page from a coloring book, then complimented me with “Gooood rippin’!”

October 1
Me: “Do you have a yard?”
Student: “Just a courtyard.”
Me: “Do you play in the courtyard?”
Student: “No, dogs pee in there.”

October 7
As I was jotting down notes today, a student looked over my shoulder and said, of my handwriting, “That doesn’t look like real words.”

October 8
Student: “You like pizza? That means you know about ninja turtles.”

October 23
Student: “I got to see Ariel on stage and I could smell her all the way from there and she smelled not-so-good.”

October 24
Student 1: “Do you know what I saw one night?”
Student 2: “What?”
Student 1: “Stars!”

October 29
Student: “You have to pay 28 dollars.”
Me: “If I give you 28 dollars, what will you give me?”
Student: “One dollar… or a meat cookie.”

October 29
Me: “I watched a very old movie last night.”
Student: “Was it Ghostbusters?”

November 2
Student holding a toy phone: “Guess what my phone can do. It can go on Facebook automatically.”

November 7
Student: “One time when my mom was getting bread she was like, ‘Look! Gluten free!’ and she was so happy.”

November 11
Student: “What song is that?”
Me: “I don’t know. I just made it up.”
Student: “Maybe you could name it, ‘Joe’s Awesome Oh Yeah’ song.”

November 11
Student 1: “What is a bully?”
Student 2: “A bully is a bull that doesn’t like the color red.”

November 11
In response to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

November 12
This morning, one of my students noticed a pregnant coworker’s large belly and asked, “What did you eat last night?”

November 19
Student “I like all the colors in the world except white. That’s why I color on white! Hahaha!”

November 20
“Do you like my sick dog, Joe? There’s vomit coming out of his mouth.”

December 3
Me: “I think babysitters should be called babywatchers.”
Student: “You can’t just make up new words! That’s against the law!”

December 10
Today, a student referred to my freckles as “weird mystery dots.”

December 17
Student: “Why do I keep getting gluten free snacks?”
Me: “That’s not gluten free.”
Student: “Well it tastes like it is.”

December 18
I started doodling the melody of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy on the guitar today, and a student said, “I have a game about that.” #tetris

January 9
Student: “Girls are like way way way calmer than boys. Boys are like, ‘OM OM OM OM!'”

February 3
Had my students list some emotions today. Their list included the emotion, “Have to go to the bathroom.”

February 5
Student: “I have different songs for different cheeses: a home cheese song and a school cheese song.”

February 6
Student: “You wanna watch me play soccer? I play some expensive soccer.”

February 9
Student: “IPads and Kindles are similar. They’re both like ‘tappy tappy tappy… tappy.'”

February 18
Student: “I can’t make a toaster strudel. But I can do cereal. I think I have to be 18 to do a toaster strudel.”

March 10
This morning, a two-year-old asked me, out of the blue, and quite sincerely, if she could tickle the fish in our fish tank.

March 12
Student, pointing to a globe: “I found Florida.”
Me: “That’s Madagascar.”
Student: “Oh… They have penguins there.”
Thank you, DreamWorks

March 23
Student: “I have a sweet tooth.”
Me: “Just one?”
Student: “Yeah… no, wait… I think all of my teeth are sweet.”

April 3
Me: “Have you seen any flowers yet?”
Student: “No, I just see glass on the ground.”

April 17
One of my students is excited because she has a “piano recycle” tomorrow. That does sound interesting.

April 28
Student: “Where did you get this dirt?”
Me: “I bought it at the store.”
Student: “You go to the store, too?!”

April 30
Me: “Do you know what bread is made from?”
Student: “Ducks?”

May 4
Student: “My ear feels like pizza… but it doesn’t smell like pizza.”

May 12
Student: “Do pine cones have seeds?”
Me: “That’s a tricky question.”
Student: “Look it up on your phone.”

May 18
Student: “When I grow up, I want to be a fire hydrant.”
Me: “You mean a fire fighter?”
Student: “Yeah… [giggles]”

May 19
Student: “I made this because I really like it, and I really like it because I really made it.”
Wrap your head around that one.

May 22
Student: “The mosquito won’t suck my blood. My blood is disgusting.”

May 22
Student: “It smells like dinosaurs.”
Me: “What do dinosaurs smell like?”
Student: “Elbows. They smell like elbows.”

June 4
Student: “Are you a millionaire?”
Me: “What do you think?”
Student: “No.”
Me: “Are you?”
Student: “I’m a 8 dollars and 24 cents-onaire”

June 10
A student’s vacation summary: “I saw a manatee and a dolphin… and there was a rat in the pool.”

July 13
Student 1: “Why are there four ninja turtles?”
Me: “How many do you think there should be?”
Student 2: “Zero.”

July 27
Taught my students to draw stars. Now they’re signing their names like Krusty the Clown.

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